In a world of so many great photographers and writers, I am venturing into some unknown territories, leaving comfort zones, finally very willing to practice the art of seeing. By maintaining the practice of posting daily photos, I hope to continue learning about the possibilities that I trust are out there for the taking.
It’s all in how you see it. What I focus on. What I can’t see.
After I posted yesterday’s entry, I received this email from my good friend Tailwinds. I asked her if I could post her email because reading what she wrote rang true. My perspective is often not the entire truth. Seeing the entire picture, the good and bad, is my goal. Tailwinds helped me bring into focus a more complete picture.
“Hi Linda:
I just read the post you wrote about your conversation with your sister Leila. I am not contradicting her, but offering another point of view:
You are passionate about what you do: hiking, photography, golf etc. When you wrote years ago that you threw yourself fairly single-mindedly into whatever you were doing, I could really relate to that. I am learning balance as I get older, but I still pursue my activities with passion. And if I’m not passionate about it, I don’t waste time on it anymore.
You wring all the good there is to get out of an activity, then you move on. That’s the way I do things too. I’ve said for a long time I don’t have a rear view mirror. Don’t need one.
From my point of view, your life is amazingly full. I think it’s great that you are ‘obsessed’ with photography because you love it, it brings you pleasure, you are keeping your mind sharp and getting out of your comfort zone and you are doing something for YOU. More than anyone I know, your life is dedicated to helping others but it is axiomatic that you have to fill yourself in order to keep giving to others.
I am drawn to you because of the energy and passion that you bring to your pursuits. I don’t have any interest in doing photography myself but I watch your blog every day because I love seeing your art develop. It inspires me and some of your photos take my breath away. I am excited for you as you share your journeys, be it on the trail or in the classroom. To most people a walk is just a walk; to others, it’s an adventure of the spirit.
Just another point of view…
Love and tailwinds”
Today’s photos of the same subject, are all about what I see and focus on, is what I get.
Unintentional misfocus on the front portion of flower.
Center focused.
More of all parts of flower in focus.
I always have the same choices in what I choose to see/focus on in my life as I do when I chose what will be in focus when I shoot a photograph. What I focus on dictates my reality.
I’d like the entire picture of my life in focus and I can’t do this without others.
So thank you Leila and thank you Tailwinds.
I was talking with my sister Leila the other day. I’d been telling her that the people in the September Jackson, WY workshop probably had more time than I did for their hobbies…….in their less busy days. My sister followed up with that they probably have jobs and families; that they probably have busy lives too.
Then my sister said, without skipping a beat, and WITH a tone without doubt, “Linda, your hobbies are not hobbies, they are obsessions. Take walking (as a hobby). I walk about 5 times a week. I walk between one to two hours on these walks. Then, the rest of the day I don’t think about walking until the next time I go for a walk. When you go for a walk Linda, you are gone for 5 months!”
Bam. I got it. I always know I spend more time on things than other people do, but I have the belief that I need to spend more time on “whatever” to accomplish and produce what others do, because I don’t learn as fast as others. I’d never considered the fact that I was obsessive and powerless over it.
Well, I’ll think about that tomorrow ‘cause right now I’m posting 2 of the 30 photos I took this morning that I’ve just spent an hour tweaking to death.
Tiny buds on a tiny cactus.
Sprinkler drops on a fallen leaf.
Yesterday I decided to ask if I could get in to and take some more online photography courses that my favorite teacher, Carol Leigh, will be offering next year. I know me and I need to have goals. I also need to be accountable to someone or something.
Recently having returned from a great photography workshop learning experience in Jackson, Wy., I’d promised myself I would shoot on a regular basis. I’ve said this before, but his time I really meant it. Guess what. I haven’t picked up and used my big camera once and its been 20 days since that promise. Life just ALWAYS seems to get in the way. And……..the reasons always seem so real.
So when I read Carol Leigh’s blog post this morning I was jolted back into the realty that today is the day (well, tomorrow is the day as I’m driving in to LA:-)). I want to do what I say I’m going to do. I want to honor my wishes as much as I honor others’ wishes. Here is my commitment, one half hour a day, every day, I’m going to shoot with my Canon 40D. I can shoot for longer, but I will shoot for a minimum of one half hour a day with mindfulness.
Here is a link to Carol’s October 22, 2009 blog entry I just read. Hope you make time to read her blog post too.
Driving Tina to the airport this morning (after we both checked out of the hotel), along the Moose Wilson two lane road, we and 50 other people pulled over, pulled out our cameras and were told by a ranger (how he got there we don’t know) to stay on the farthest side of the street away from the black bear who was standing on his hind legs eating berries 20 yards away, oblivious to us – as if he were all alone in the wilderness. Yeah, we finally saw a bear.
After dropping Tina off at the nearby Jackson Airport, I started on a day of errands and preparation for the Workshop that begins tomorrow night at 7pm.
Here is what I did today:
Drove to the Cowboy Village where I wanted to check in but was told I couldn’t until 1pm or so. (It was 9:25am)
Ate at the coffee/bagel place nearby….ummmmm good…..whole wheat bagel, cream cheese, lox, capers, red onion and tomato!
While eating made a list of what I wanted to do to be ready before the start of the workshop where I won’t have time to do anything other than pre-sunrise shoot, inside lessons, practice software, critiques, work on morning photos, afternoon shoot and dinner with group.
Next door to the coffee/bagel place, I made an 11am appt for hair color and manicure.
Drove out to Radio Shack to replace broken phone headpiece.
Gassed up car.
Hair and nails.
Tried another check in at Cowboy Village. Sat for 20 minutes for room to be ready. Checked in.
Packed up my backpack and “old” photo equipment backpack and drove to UPS where I had these things sent home.
Made a big mistake not taking the warning of a lady coming out of Albertson’s who said to anyone who was listening, “Save yourself the frustration, the computers are down.” After an hour and a half of waiting in line to be checked out at 3 different checkout counters (it’s a long story), I finally left with my food. Most people left their full baskets and left in frustration. Actually, the management was suggesting customers could do that – leave their baskets if they couldn’t wait. (I would have left except I heard Smiths and another market had the same computer problems.) I’d wanted s/f ice fudge pops but knew they’d melt. Tomorrow.
Unpacked and put away groceries for the week.
Did laundry so all my clothes are clean from having been in the suitcase and never hung up the last 13 days.
Ate dinner: Chicken breast, 3 small tomatoes, whole wheat English muffin.
Shot a crappy shot of the crappier smoke filled sky as it was turning pink from the setting sun. Boy are the instructors going to be unhappy when they find out they have been having prescribed burns here for the last week or so. Not good for landscape photography.
Opened the box sent to Ray from Adorama, that he then sent to me, containing my split level neutral density filter and EF 25 11 Canon extension tube. After putting the tube on my 50mm 1.4 lens, I googled and read about tubes and split level neutral density filters since I’ve never used them before.
When Ray called tonight, I told him I felt like we both did when we were in Sweden, attending a meeting where everyone was speaking Swedish, no one paid attention to us, (no, “Hi how are you’s”) and I felt left out and alone. Why did I tell Ray that story? Because I think there are two workshop participants here, one in the cabin next to me and one 2 cabins away. I smiled at the woman who was walking in to the cabin next to me to talk to a guy. I was hoping for a little dialog but she turned away to talk to the guy inside. Then I heard the woman say as she walked back to her cabin, “I’m ready when you are.” I kept looking out my window, making sure neither of them noticed me looking. The guy came outside and was going through what looked like a photography backpack getting it ready. So I thought, “They’re not going out to dinner as I had initially thought, they are going out to shoot!” I walked outside pretending to get something out of my car, hoping a conversation would start up and maybe I’d be included in their outing. But the guy was very preoccupied and had major head phones on (listening to music – I’d heard him playing his guitar earlier). No luck. No conversation. I retreated to my cabin and watched, so I wasn’t noticed of course, as they drove away together. Boo hoo.
Now this whole tour bus ride of mine originated while reading the online forums that were set up especially for all of us workshop participants to introduce ourselves and say something about ourselves. Reading the participant’s introductions/comments I found out many participants had already taken workshops with the leaders before and four of the participants had formed ongoing friendships.
When I told Ray how I felt, he said, “Oh I know you; you’ll be right in the middle of everything in no time.” (Or something like that.)
Where’s Tina?
My cabin is all set up with hanging clean close, clothes in drawers and not still in my suitcase. The fridge has something for breakfasts, lunches and tons of snacks to take on the shoots.
I’ve blogged and now I hope to God I can just relax. How do you spell relax??????????????
I intend to blog. I get home from the 6:30 meeting around 8:30pm. The new Dancing with the Stars show is on. Following that show Ray and I watch the semi finals on America’s Got Talent. I tell myself, after a non-stop day, I need a break. I watched the shows and now it’s late.
I’m meeting Stacy and Mary Kay tomorrow at 7am. We’re walking for an hour and a half here in Mission Hills. If I get to bed by 11:30pm I’ll get 6 hours of sleep before I have to get up to be ready for the girls.
Today Ray drove me to the MailBox place to get my backpack packaged up for a UPS delivery to the Cowboy Village in Jackson, WY. There is no way I can maneuver camera gear, a suitcase, a computer bag AND a backpack through the airport systems. Please let my backpack arrive without incident. I have spent years acquiring all the personal lightweight gear that I use when I backpack. Replacing everything would be quite expensive and time consuming.
I’m nervous about the upcoming Photography Workshop. Being nervous, thinking I won’t be as good as the other 16 workshop participants etc is a pretty familiar feeling….or that I won’t get what is being asked of us or taught us, or that I won’t see what they see to photograph. It seems many of the workshop attendees have attended Craig’s workshops together before. What I’m really having trouble with is we have been asked to present 5 – 10 photos (that represent our work). I don’t like any of my photos. I don’t have “portfolio” quality photos yet. So another fear is they will all laugh when I finally get to putting 5 – 10 of my photos on a flash drive to be shown to all the other workshop participants.
I think it’s time to go to bed and give my mind a break. The tour bus ride is getting out of hand.