In a world of so many great photographers and writers, I am venturing into some unknown territories, leaving comfort zones, finally very willing to practice the art of seeing. By maintaining the practice of posting daily photos, I hope to continue learning about the possibilities that I trust are out there for the taking.
I spent a most enjoyable visit in the Phoenix Museum viewing Scott Baxter’s photo collection titled “100 Years 100 Ranchers” as well as watching a video interview of Scott with some of the 5th generation ranchers that made me happy to see history being documented by such an interested Photographer.
“For over ten years Baxter has been traveling to ranches across the state (Arizona), getting to know the individual ranchers and their operations.”
Google Scott’s website as I will when I return home.
Stacy and Linda heading out into the desert last week to shoot 'til we drop.
Hope I get back there soon.
LR and I drove by the old ranch I used to call home for 11 years, during the time I was into horses. I took this photo using my iPhone and using the camera app called Hipstamatic. This photo is actually about 5 photos taken and then stitched together in my iPhone using the iPhone app, Auto Stitch. I don’t know what it is about this shot that I love, but it is one of my favorite all time shots. Maybe it’s the memories of the experiences I had during the 11 years at the ranch.
Love this shot taken with my iPhone using the camera app Hipstamatic.
I didn’t pick up the camera today!
You won’t want to miss reading this blog entry……
http://www.pixelatedimage.com/blog/2010/11/life-is-short/
Going through a few photos (that I still haven’t processed), I came across an aerial photo I shot of Taboose Pass, the 8 day backpack I did last summer with my friends. Fred flew me out of Mammoth for an hour long view of the 80 mile trail GateKeeper, Tailwinds and I backpacked in the Sierra.
I mentioned more than once that hiking up Taboose Pass would be a one time thing. But now, I’ve changed my mind and look forward to my next adventure in the mountains.
….I still can’t get email to work on my Blackberry cell phone using my regular email. I MUST surrender to get my life back. Troubleshooting this problem has probably consumed 3 full days in total now. I am powerless over getting this fixed until my web server gets back from the Photography World Expo he is attending.
An upper level Verizon tech set my Blackberry up with an old gmail address I have so I can mobile blog when I hit the trail on the 11 day PCT backpack I leave on next week. My regular computer guy has just joined the Service and I’ll be meeting with his replacement tomorrow to help me set up the new gmail email to work with WordPress (which is what I use to blog). I wish I were more self sufficient in these matters, but I’m just not and never will be. Over the last few weeks that I have repeatedly talked to people trying to troubleshoot this problem I have become knowledgeable about terminology but that’s not enough.
While working at my desk, since early morning and still in my jammies, Stacy and Jim and their Grandkids drove by in their golf carts wearing ORANGE!!!! Where were they last week when I had the Orange Photomotivation assignment.
Grammie and Gramps Jacobs and their Grandkids.
Went out to photograph Stacy and Jim's Grandkids in my jammies (at noon!) when I spotted them driving by,
Yesterday was the first Tuesday of the month, so five of us from the desert drove in to attend the Baby Meeting (not really babies, but a gathering of my sponsees). We meet other sponsees at my Grandsponsor’s apartment in Encino. Before the meeting we always meet at the California Chicken Cafe in Encino for dinner. Eight of us shared dinner before the 6:45pm meeting.
At the meeting Tina sets up the teleconference machine so the out of town ladies join in the meeting too. It’s a wonderful way for all of us to stay connected. Every year we read and each share for 3 minutes from a book we have chosen to read. We’ve been reading the book, Drop the Rock, Removing Character Defects by Bill P. Todd W. and Sara S.
On page 35, these two sentences stood out to me: “How do we define ourselves? That will say a lot about where we place pride in our lives.” During the sharing, one of the ladies shared something that also made me reflect….”Who I am is how I’m treating you.” I’m still thinking about these sentences.
In an email correspondence this morning I wrote the following to someone:
“I’ve never been happier. It seems I’ve been graced with the willingness to make time for myself, schedule backpack trips, lots of photography workshops and other learning opportunities with this new love of photography etc. I’m living my intentions, rather than talking about them or justifying why I can’t do this or that. You know, the old, “You just don’t understand. Blah, blah, blah”
I’ve always been good at living my life when I’m visible to you (all), but, when I am alone and no one sees me, I have trouble taking necessary actions with things I want to do, putting the actions off, believing my lies, excusing and justifying away galore…… like, “I’ll open up that box of scary photography lighting equipment tomorrow and practice working with lighting tomorrow”. (The box of lighting equipment Stacy loaned me is sitting in my living room, in the exact same spot for a month now. I walk by this huge box, trying to avoid really noticing it so I won’t feel guilty, avoiding opening it like whatever is inside will jump out and bite me). Fear.
Fear = “a lack of understanding”, says Willie B. When I don’t understand something, I get frustrated, mad, and walk away feeling incapable, frustrated and hopeless, making everyone in my path pay the price, which then leaves me feeling guilty, shameful and remorseful. I have avoided those feelings (that comes from not “understanding it”) my entire life. In avoiding those feelings I have made people pay for my bad feelings of self AND avoided so much of what I am now experiencing and enjoying since my new mantra is “Just do it” (even your head says you can’t). Who would have known, if I’d just endured those feelings, or been more patient with myself, or even, how about this,…… just asked for help!, how much more I would have experienced and enjoyed like I am now.
Big girl Linda finally knows that part of learning is going through the process of not knowing how to do something (duh)….and that if I don’t stay with those uncomfortable feelings, keep up with failed attempts to learn, I’ll continue believing I am stupid and can’t learn, and punish you with my feelings of inadequacy. (And waste my time and yours (if you’ll listen), explaining how I just don’t learn like others. Waaaa)”
So, I have now opened the box of lighting equipment and will continue trying to put it together, test out how it works, learn and gain a little more understanding so that that age old of fear (of looking stupid, feeling embarrassed, you laughing at me (even when you’re not around) won’t stop me from experiencing all the good feelings and pride I’m beginning to have.
I am excited about my days, my life lately. I believe I’ve just uncovered another roadblock to happy, joyous and free, at a deeper level. That’s what I love about finally feeling secure enough that I really no longer worry what others will think of me and just continue to do what I’m afraid to do. I learn a little at a time and end up getting happier and KINDER, to everyone around me and to Linda. It seems so simple, but I understand now that not understanding, is normal and appropriate before the understanding comes.
Patricia, Sandi, Linda (in reflection) Margaret, and Stacy in the San Fernando Valley, just before entering California Chicken Cafe.
A photo of me taken on January 2, 2010 at the Stella Mare restaurant in Santa Barbara.
Accountability has always worked for me so here goes:
Linda’s 2009 Ideals wrap-up
What I’ve learned is how much awareness and discipline play an important role in my happiness. And conversely, a lack of awareness and discipline take a toll on my emotional well being.
Proof that consistency, structure and discipline are my friends.
My trouble areas are:
1. Staying with a project until its completion. I’ve noticed I get bored with “the” project if I don’t consistently work on it until its completion. I take on way too many projects and the newest “project” gets my attention, as the new one always seems more fun…..until the next newest project.
2. Staying connected to my family on a consistent basis. What I’ve learned is that it’s easier for me to give time to sponsees and friends than scheduling time with family. Not staying connected to my family is insane.
What I’m happy about, as the result of one day at a time daily consistency:
1. Scheduling myself into the day more often: Photography: shooting, learning software, taking online classes, organizing my work, workshops.
2. Website: Really happy I had a front page developed so that my Blog, Portfolio and Adventure site are now all linked together on lindajeffers dot com.
3. Exercise
4. Eating clean
5. Photographing daily
6. Blogging daily (mostly)
(As Ray said, “You’ve made the items you used to have on your Ideal’s list habits.” YES!)
Linda’s 2010 Ideals
Thoughts for the new year:
What will leave me feeling best about myself by staying ahead of the curve? (To avoid the guilt produced by procrastination and avoidance)
Here are some of the new next actions I hope to take. These next actions are based on what I have learned about myself this past year:
Open the mail right away.
Keep my inbox and desk free of clutter.
Do the thing I don’t want to do first.
Shower, dress and makeup earlier in the day than just before I leave for “the” scheduled activity.
Shower directly following exercise.
Shower and dress after breakfast and before I get on the computer after breakfast.
Do Artist Way morning pages.
Generate and follow a daily schedule.
Get all sponsees through the steps.
Enjoy the process of learning rather than comparing myself to others.
Refrain from offering or volunteering myself. No new commitments for the year.
Goals/Projects
Finish Ray’s 30 year special anniversary book. (It’s 2 years later!)
Set up a section of my Portolio with only my best photos.
Continue adding previous photography class work to Portfolio.
Make myself available to play golf with Ray.
I wish I were: free of pain
I wish I had: a studio with lighting
I wish I could: make money at photography (yikes, am I really saying this?)
I want to have: a new expensive camera
I want to be: safe and comfortable to be around
I want to do: an RV trip with Ray
Ray wondered why I hadn’t posted this photo of where I dined last night in yesterday’s blog. Do you know what I ate and really enjoyed?
Yes, I ate at In & Out last night.
Shots from this morning’s walk around Mission Hills CC. After taking these shots, and after seeing another woman walking and jogging, walking and jogging, I tried some jogging and walking. I did this all the way back to the condo without incident/injury or pain. Maybe I could build up to jogging again? I thought those days were over.
TBC (to be continued.)
An out of bounds golf ball found on the walk.
Taken with my "exercise" camera - Canon Powershot A650 while on a walk this morning.
Different angle of the same water as previous shots.
Egret de-clarified.
Yesterday I watched this You Tube video. (I found this video link in the first paragraph on Scott Kelby’s blog site entry, 11/09/09.) I could not believe how watching this video made me feel. I was immediately moved to call someone back who had asked me if I ever shot family portraits. I knew they wanted me to shoot their family for their Xmas cards and they were afraid to ask directly if I would. So I just said, “No, I don’t shoot family portraits.” But, so what if I don’t really know how to shoot them the way someone studied in lighting etc would. I have a camera. I am capable of turning out something so the family doesn’t have to pay the money they don’t have to pay a professional for portraits.
Now this morning, while still thinking about yesterday’s video and how can I be helpful to others with my photography, I followed a link in an email message that Carol Leigh had posted on our photography alumni site. I could have deleted this morning’s email from the alumni groups daily messages and not read any of the 5 or 6 messages, or I could have read Carol’s message but not have clicked on the link in her message, or I could have clicked on the link, read the linked artist’s blog she referenced and been done, or………. like I did, keep following links and browse some of the linked favorite sidebar blogs of the artist’s blog Carol was referencing. Phew, are you with me? Anyway, I know what I did. I ‘m so glad that I lingered and spent time clicking on a few other referenced blogroll favorites while on the site. Why am I glad I lingered? Because I found THESE VIDEOS!!!!!!!!!!
Finding these videos yesterday and this morning, so back to back, both about what am I giving rather than what am I getting, has moved me to rethink some things.
So many teachers, so many mentors. There are so many sources of inspiration, so many role models/mentors. I’m feeling pretty good right now. I’m soaring, maybe not as high as this plane and bird, but high enough.
Click on photo to see bird and plane.
Zoomed in shot of plane and bird in front of Antsell Rock on the San Jacinto range.
I need YOU all.
p.s. My husband said, “Good blog baby.” I said, “Did you watch the videos? ” He hadn’t. I said, “WATCH the videos!”
He’s watching them as I type. I wonder what he’ll say about them? Did they move you like they moved me?