Twenty two years ago my Mom passed away. How can that be? Twenty two years have passed and I still remember her as if no time has passed. So many thoughts, memories and feelings come up as I take this time today to post Mom’s photo in honor of the anniversary of her passing.
I’m so different than I was the first 41 years she knew me. I was always a problem for Mom. I wasn’t an easy child. Toxic insecurity and over sensitivity manifested rage; frustrating and confusing my parents. How I wish she could have known this Linda today rather than the Linda I used to be. If only I could have seen how much I must have hurt her with my punishing silence and withdrawal.
Later when I was about 39 or 40 I remember we tried to spend a bit of time together. I was so uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to be or what to do the few times we planned dates to be together. Truthfully, I didn’t know how to be with anyone, not even myself.
Years later as part of living amends to my Mom and Dad, on Sunday, October 08, 1995, my sponsor asked me to list what I admired about my Mom and Dad.
Here is that list:
Great desire to be responsible parent financially and wanting us to thrive for the best.
Bright – witty – interesting
Responsible with making us be responsible kids
Loved his work/life
Informed re: world happenings
MOM – (After I wrote this list for Mom 12 years ago I was surprised. You see my Dad had always been my hero. My Mom was just, well, just my Mom. I had not fully seen my Mom’s incredible qualities until I put a pen to paper for this assignment.
Also right now I am surprised looking at this list again today noticing how many similar traits Mom and I share – minus of course being a Linguist, Historian and Knowledgeable about everything! I’d always thought we were so different.)
Knowledgeable about everything
Self sufficient in entertaining herself
Mom, you are in my thoughts always. I know you feel my love, respect and gratitude today. And, I feel your love too.
On 6.16.07 I bought the book Moving On by Sarah Ban Breathnach because some 17 years ago I experienced such awareness and change while reading and following suggested actions in her book – Simple Abundance. I valued Simple Abundance so much, I gifted it to my sponsees (this, of course, was before I stopped recognizing Xmas with gifts).
I only started reading this book Moving On I’d bought back in June. This is what Sarah writes on her intro page to this book: “As a passionate reader, I’m hard on books and other writers. Since I spend most of my waking hours in the company of words, I need books (my own included) to knock my socks off. Ravish my resistance with the first paragraph, or seduce me slowly through the introduction; as long as the feeling is intimate and immediate, I’m yours. I long to be bowled over by an author’s insight, to wonder how I lived before her book explained it all to me or how the author knew me so well.”
I started reading Moving On, not at the beginning, but in the middle of the book. I was trying to get a sense of whether I wanted to take it with me on an upcoming vacation as a daily meditation book. Well, from the first reading Sarah knocked my socks off. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how right on she is AND how succinctly and flawlessly she says what I think and feel. She tells the story of my life in a few selected pages I’ve included from her book below. While reading these pages, just substitute her buying and keeping her NY apartment for me buying and keeping my Dixie Cyn house and my ranch. Not bad choices, just wrong choices. Sarah says, “The apartment represented something far more than shelter: To my eye it was what success looked like.” Bingo.
I’m living my choice now living here in Rancho Mirage. Sarah writes, “Unfortunately, there’s no sure way of knowing the tab until we’ve lived the choice; we can’t see in advance whether the choice was a wise or wrong one. But at least it was ours to make. We also can’t really know where a choice will take us, although we might sense its directions.” I’ve been contemplating how long I think I’ll be happy living down here in the desert. But I see that’s silly. Right now, I am happy. When I’m not, I trust I’ll know it and have the willingness to “Move ON” to another place.
So, for me to re-read at some point and time, and for anyone of you who might be interested, the following pages are what spoke to me this morning:
(Clicking on the page will enlarge it enough for you to read.)
I’ve been sick with a cold since last Sunday that now has rendered me pretty useless from the energy exerted blowing, sneezing and eating….(I remember an old belief of my Mom’s, “Feed a cold, starve a fever.”) It sounds like as good an excuse as any to eat. Ray has been busy doing 2 food runs a day. And, guess what? Ray is now sick too, 2 days behind me with his cold. He keeps asking me how I feel so he can tell what to expect..
In between phone calls, answering emails, working on Ray’s 30th Birthday Book (which is coming along great), watching old movies, getting all the documents and paper work ready for our upcoming Club Med vacation, drinking Theraflu and eating, eating, eating, we have been watching funny You Tube Videos. Here is Ray laughing his head off. Who says being sick can’t be fun!
Lane writes in his email, “We’ve attached a Christmas photo from Koh Tao, Thailand where we are currently having a very wonderful time (reminiscent of Cabo, in the 60’s -70’s, style Christmas Holiday, Thanks again Gramps, For Everything!).”
Boy do I ditto Lane on Thanks to Gramps, My Dad, AND of course, the same thanks to my Mom for the life we “Shers” and “Aherns” live.
I got some flowers from Lane! Thanks Nicole.
First outing of the day….
I was like a kid in a candy store at the Salton Sea with all the wonderful photo ops.
Click on photo to enlarge and see this bird’s red beak.
Then our next stop….
Mecca Wilderness Area –
After visiting the Salton Sea we still had some time to explore before heading back home for dinner with Sandi and Jerry at 5pm. So we went into the town of Mecca and out the other side of this small town following signs to Box Cyn Rd and the Painted Cyn. We entered a dirt road that indicated we were headed in the Mecca Wilderness Area.
Below is a video I took while driving through the box canyon.
And some car play on the way home.
because of who you are, and what you do.
This symbol of knowledge passed from heart to heart, guides us unerringly, though sometimes it “smarts.”
You share words of wisdom; thoughtful and kind, and help us all, to slowly unwind – from the thoughts that have locked our hearts and souls, you guide us gently into being whole.
Happy Birthday Linda.
Thank you very much for your birthday sentiments Susan. L, Linda
We, Ray and I, sing Happy Birthday to Linda together!
I can’t believe how many calls and emails I’ve received today wishing me a Happy Birthday.
Ask and you shall receive.
Thank you everyone. I feel very loved.
Happy Holidays too. Bah Humbug:-)
10:00pm last night I got in to bed with Ray. I brought my new voice recorder and the manual.
Here is a test recording and an example of how goofy Ray and I usually get around bedtime.
Somehow I recently became a Spa Fitness Center Committee Meeting member here where I live. I think it was a trainer I worked with named Valeria that initially suggested I attend one of the committee meetings. Since I joined 2 months ago, the committee has been working on getting a few activity clubs going to help facilitate like minded club members meeting each other through forming clubs for hiking, biking, running, walking and strength training.
A “Kick-Off” meeting for all these newly formed clubs will be held Jan 6th. I learned that some of the other newly forming activity clubs have already begun meeting to bike or walk etc. So I sent out an email to members on the hiking sign up roster I received suggesting we go for a pre-launch hike.(Before the start of the “Kick-Off” meeting where we’ll discuss the basics for our new hiking club.)
I was surprised to find a number of the members would have loved to participate in the 1st pre-launch hike I set for yesterday had they not been involved with holiday happenings. And I was over-joyed to hike with the members who showed up for this first ever MHCC hike.
For the first hike, not knowing anyone’s experience level, I planned a relatively easy local 3.5 mile hike/700 feet elevation gain. I called the hike the Eagle Canyon Hike (near Von’s). I was a bit worried how everyone would do and whether they would like the hike. A couple of days before I’d taken Ray on the hike to see his reaction. Thanks Ray!
Everyone loved the hike. Below is one of the photos I took while on our hike. I received many emails just like this one following the hike:
The hike was just wonderful and the company as well.
Thank you for putting it all together. Ernie and I look forward to the next one.
PS We also loved the pictures!! (I emailed them some of the photos I’d taken.)
Normally I ask people not to forward me any of their favorite email jokes, sayings, etc. My friend Sandi knows that I will get mad if she makes an exception and sends me a forwarded email and clutters my mailbox. So, while on the phone, she mentioned and described the incredible photo of the year she’d been sent. I was really curious. So, I made an exception and asked her to forward the photo. I’m glad I did. Here is the link online where you may view 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th place award winners also.
Todd Heisler The Rocky Mountain News
When 2nd Lt. James Cathey’s body arrived at the Reno Airport, Marines climbed into the cargo hold of the plane and draped the flag over his casket as passengers watched the family gather on the tarmac. During the arrival of another Marine’s casket last year at Denver International Airport, Major Steve Beck described the scene as one of the most powerful in the process: “See the people in the windows? They’ll sit right there in the plane, watching those Marines. You gotta wonder what’s going through their minds, knowing that they’re on the plane that brought him home,” he said. “They’re going to remember being on that plane for the rest of their lives. They’re going to remember bringing that Marine home. And they should.”
Todd Heisler The Rocky Mountain News
The night before the burial of her husband’s body, Katherine Cathey refused to leave the casket, asking to sleep next to his body for the last time. The Marines made a bed for her, tucking in the sheets below the flag. Before she fell asleep, she opened her laptop computer and played songs that reminded her of ‘Cat,’ and one of the Marines asked if she wanted them to continue standing watch as she slept. “I think it would be kind of nice if you kept doing it,” she said. “I think that’s what he would have wanted.”